As many of you know, the last year has not been the easiest for our family. Today (8/21/2013) is Greyson’s first birthday. A first birthday is always a celebration but for me, Greyson’s is something that I really did not expect to be able to celebrate. What started off as the hardest 107 days of my life (and certainly Greyson’s) has turned into blessings beyond anything I could ever imagine.
In the last year many of you have shared your own stories about how you have prayed for Greyson, or asked your church or bible study to pray for Greyson. I am glad those prayers were answered. I am constantly blown away by how many people have told me they were praying. Many of them praying for a young man who they don’t even know. I believe God has a plan for each of us, but I often wonder if God changes the plan when he hears lots of people praying for the same thing. We will never know if your prayers changed the plan. I do know that Greyson is still with us for a reason, and I can’t wait to figure out what that reason is.
“To those whom much is given, much is expected.” John F. Kennedy
Not only Greyson, but our whole family has been given so much. It is almost unfathomable how we will ever be able to live up to what is expected of us. I am drowning just imagining how I can ever return the love and support to all those that supported us. Just praying for every one of you would take hours. I am almost saddened to think that I may not live up to what is expected of me now. I certainly owe it to many of you to move mountains if you call on me.
What a year has shown me
In the last year, I have learned a lot. I learned that I could be really happy just going to the hospital everyday to see my son. For 107 days, the time I left work and headed to the hospital was best part of my day. I learned that I ask doctors a lot of questions. I learned that Lindsey and I were incredibly fortunate to be able to take off work, put our whole life on hold to be with our son everyday. We were easily the only parents in the NICU spending the majority of the day with their child. But without the support of Stephen Smith in the office, our parents, especially my mother in law Nancy, our experience would have been very different. I honestly don’t think Greyson would be with us if we could not have been there everyday. The doctors and nurses were great, but things get lost and forgotten when the patient can not speak for themselves.
The world looks very different to me now, I know not to take anything for granted. Everything can change in a heart beat. I never believed that until Lindsey laid down in the delivery room and the nurse put the fetal heart monitor on. The nurse, did not even hesitate before she called for help. 30 seconds later, we were swarmed by doctors and nurses. I have a pretty healthy imagination, but nothing prepared me for how fast doctors move when a baby is in distress. In what felt like a blink of an eye, we went from “happy-happy we are having a baby”, to Lindsey being rushed down the hall. The single scariest moment of my life. It can all change that fast.
Before Greyson’s birth I did not often ask for help. I actually refused to ask for help because I did not want to over ask. I thought if I asked for something today you might not be as willing to help tomorrow. I wanted people to know, if I asked for help I really needed it. Besides most of the time, I can just do it myself. Well half way through day one, I had been awake for 40ish hours and had not really had much to eat. I had been running from the NICU to Lindsey’s room and back for 8 hours. Things were really tense, Greyson was going to be moved to a new hospital for surgery and everyone was on edge. I needed to eat, but asking for someone to get me some food never came out of my mouth. Finally, Lindsey picked up on my hunger and ask someone for me. I quickly realized this was the time in my life I needed to ask for help.
More than thanks
It feels impossible for me to just say thanks to everyone who has been there for us in the last year. Sending a nice pretty note, or flowers is just not going to cut it. I feel a responsibility now for each and every person who prayed for us. Like it is some how now my job to move the mountains in there life. So please, when you find yourself on the uphill slope of life, call me, I would love the chance to lighten the load.
For now, I do want to say thanks. Thanks to our family and friends who made the last year as easy as it could be. Thanks to those who brought dinner, thanks to those who called and wrote, and those who came to see us in the hospital. Thanks to those who played with Caroline, and those who help find our dogs a new home. Thanks to all those who prayed, and those who took me out for a beer and listened to the story. Thanks to those who cried and laughed with us, and those how gave us great hugs. Thanks to all those who believed it would be ok, and those who were ready if it wasn’t. Thank you all.