Nov 7, 2011
Moving with children can be a life changing experience. For adults, moving is usually the result of starting a new job in a different city or state. It could also be a result of some family emergency such as moving to take care of a sick relative. So when an individual moves by his or her self, it is usually through their own volition.
But when a family moves, no one may be more affected by this than the children. It is the children who feel like they are losing something, rather than gaining an opportunity to see and do more. And the younger the children are, the more likely they may have difficulty understanding the moving process. To help families work through a time such as this, here is some helpful information to get started.
Get the Children Involved
As soon as the decision to move is made, children should be notified. This will bring about the emotions and questions the children may have about the situation. They can range from sadness, anger and confusion as to why they have to move away from their friends and family to a strange new place. Keeping an ongoing dialogue with children about the moving process can be a great way to help them gain the confidence and maturity they will need later in life when dealing with change. As Sue Miller, author of But Mom, I Don’t Want to Move!
Understand the Process
Children view the world in a slightly different manner than older individuals. Because of this, it may be useful to help them see the move in a different manner. Like everything else in life, the moving process has a beginning, middle and an end. Letting the child be a part of each stage of the move can help them better understand what is happening and how it affects them.
The beginning of a move is typically when the family has decided on a timeframe to make the move. For instance, if a parent starts a new job in two weeks, then that timeframe marks the beginning of the process. It is here that parents can talk to their children about how this event makes them feel.
During the middle phase, families can work together to pack their belongings and even have some fun while doing so. Showing appreciation for the memories made in the past can help children see the new opportunity to make new memories in their new home. Moving can be an emotionally stressful experience for younger children so it is vital to keep their focus on the good that will come from the move. Another good way to do this would be to let the child pack his or her own bag of personal, essential items. These can include favorite toys or items, a toothbrush, or favorite article of clothing. It can give them a sense of being able to take something with them, providing a sense of the familiar.
The final phase of the moving process is the most crucial. It is during this time when parents need to listen most to their children. Ask about what is going on at the new school and talk about possibly getting the children involved in extracurricular activities. This can help them to develop new friendships. At the same time, if possible, it may be a good idea to have old friends come by for a visit in to help further establish feeling of the familiar. Fortunately, the internet and social media outlets allow for friends to stay in touch with each other wherever they are, however, excessive contact with friends may stir up feelings in children that make them miss being “back home.” In such cases, it may help to go out and experience the new neighborhood or town together with the children. This will help them see that they are not alone in this and that mom and dad have to adapt to their new environment too. Here are some more great ideas to help children cope with the moving process.
Moving with Teenagers
Young adolescents might show more difficulty with the move than younger children because they may have already cultivated strong relationships with their friends and family over the years. It is just as important for parents to speak with their teenagers about the process and work through any sense of grief or loss incurred. The National Network for Child Care says, “Most teens feel that involvements with friends and romantic relationships are often unnecessarily interrupted by a move. Although teenagers have the maturity to understand the reason for the move, they may not be prepared to accept it emotionally.”
Teenagers have a stronger sense of identity than their younger counterparts. Their activities, their friends and even their clothes help to solidify this. Parents may want to help their teenagers learn more about the new surroundings by taking them shopping for new clothes, finding out where local young adults hang out for fun and even take part in activities in the home that can help them grow out of any fears they have about starting over.
The Long and Short of It
Sometimes a move is planned over a long period of time, while others are a more sudden event with only short notice. When it is a planned and prolonged process, a move can be easier to take in because families can work together to ensure a smooth transition from the start of the transition to the completion of it.
Sudden decisions to move need a more empathic approach. Understand the children’s need for an explanation and take a moment to talk to them about why and where they are moving. Use the internet to show pictures and videos of the new location to help them get familiar with their new environment. No matter how old the children may be the best thing to do when moving to a new home is to talk with them about their expectations and help to meet them.
Great Moving Adventure Video
About Ed Neuhaus
Broker and founder of Neuhaus Realty Group. I started working in real estate as soon as I could push a lawnmower and help clean up investment properties for my parents. Investing in real estate has always been a passion and now I have turned that passion into a way to help others. Buying and selling homes for others is just one way I think I can make the world better. No sales pressure, no gimmicks, just an honest work ethic gets the job done. Let me know how I can help you. Give me a call today at 512.366.3720
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